Tough Times!!!

Hi all..
Well if any of you were wondering why i am being so conspicuous by my absence let me clarify its only because my comp is down...and HOW!!!!

my HDD is pretty screwed up...thats to say it isnt getting detected...and i have no idea Y d heck is it even happening..so i m pretty much stuck wid no PC for the past few days thats y havent been able to post as such...

Life's going pretty smooth otherwise...just realised how much i have come to depend on my PC...its become such a part of life...just short of addiction...but way above habit...its a wonder how one reacts when its time to break a habit...u go from despair to dejection to total despair again...before u realise its actually good...U DO have a life away from that habit too...u get time to do so many other things in the meanwhile...talk to your family...clear out your drawers (something i have been hounded for by my MOM hehe)

I did start attending Violin classes...finally!!!!after 2 and a half lazy years of wanting to do it and talking to all the teacher's atleast twice i finally took the plunge (figuratively!!) and joined...have had 2 classes...havent progressed beyond Sa Re Ga Ma as yet...and its pretty difficult...(ok i never thought it would be easy...so don't gimme that look OK!!!!)...

Hoping to buy my own Violin soon enough....waiting to start my part time paper correction job to earn up some money...

Bro will be back this week....has been gone for over 2 months now to turkey...will be great fun when he comes back...hehe

Also waiting for Mona to come back..she is my BESTEST FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!in the whole wide world...presently on a trip to singapore thailand malaysia and all that jazz...coming back on 26th i believe...

a pretty important day coming up...29th may...will think if i wanna post about it...with due permission of course...

also have a lot of topics roaming around in my mind..developing them in the abstract before i type them down...so wait up guys...

hope my stupid HDD gets un-stupid and starts working....i promise i will be back with a bang and a boom and a blah and a whoosh...ok enough....:D

so till my next post...So Long..

KEEP SMILING PEOPLE!!!!

HER "IK CUP CHAAI"

Today's blog is gonna be a lot senti...so if u really don't wanna read it would be a good idea to stop here itself...but if u do wanna read its about one of the most important people in my life..

OK for the first time i don't really know how to start this one...have been sitting here watching the screen for like 5 minutes unable to even start writing..

OK here goes..

this post is about my cousin...my eldest maternal aunt's daughter...her name...and this one i m NOT kidding about is MEENU...yeah...we north indians have weird names for our kids...its a great way of torturing them for their entire life you know...

Now meenu didi was one hell of a person...and i mean ONE HELL OF A PERSON....you know there are these few people in your life who just seem like the MOST amazing human being alive...well add to that that i completely loved her and you would know what i am talking about..

She was someone who could make you laugh anytime of the day...EXTREMELY beautiful...she had this radiance about her you know...the kinda thing that puts you in reverence of people...i guess that radiance was just a reflection of the happiness she felt inside..

As a girl she used to get everything she wanted you know...i mean she had 2 brothers who could die or kill for her...but that doesnt mean she was a spoilt brat or anything...was one of the most down to earth people...caring loving selfless....i mean...she just had it all...

But its kinda funny...how when things start going wrong they kinda shatter away that perfect image of the family and just wrench your life out of your grasp...don't they...

Her dad got murdered right outside their house....her mom got pretty mad after it and kinda lost the will to live...she passed away a few years ago as well...

So wat was once one of the most happy families i have ever seen turned into quite the distraught bunch..all that was left was the two brothers and a sister...and their families..

Meenu didi had gotten married in 1993...she was damn happy in her marriage too...had 2 kids...a guy and a girl...

Well i know this is sounding like a hindi movie of sorts...but i long ago realized life is like this only....it has some major ups and downs and some pretty huge defining moments as well..

i think some 5 years ago didi was diagnosed with breast cancer...she came to mumbai and got it removed...went through the painful and kinda soul draining process of chemotherapy and all that jazz...

but unfortunately...die to some medical lapse or something...the cancer still spread to her lung...so she had to undergo another chemotherapy...again the same process where you know that the thing that is killing you is running through your very veins..,.and the worst part is you are voluntarily getting it injected there...

i remember i had written her a letter in between somewhere....saying didi i know u must be pretty sad and thinking about y did this happen to me...but the point is this has happened and you really can go only forward...all you can do is think of how to live with this...so please keep up your spirit...i dont want to see that flagging (yes...i can talk a lot older than my age sometimes)

the paradox in all this is...that it didn't work...after 2 or 3 painful chemotherapies and hair re growths later...the doctors gave up on her...she was too far gone to be helped....she HAD TO die...

well ok...i know everyone HAS TO die someday...but how would you feel if the doctor sitting across from you said sorry dear...you got a maximum of one year to live...i mean...i always imagine what i would do...how i would react if this happened to me...and it creeps me the hell out man...i just dont wanna know WHEN i am going to die....i dont think i would be able to live till then also if i knew....

well coming back...so she was given about a year to live...and it was made pretty clear that she wouldnt be able to make it beyond that...somehow i never had the courage to ask her what she was feeling...i mean how do u ask it..."hey didi..how does it feel to know you r gonna die???and what do u think is gonna happen to ur 8 year old kids"????

she once told my mom over the phone that i want to make it as easy for my family as possible...she used to arrange things in her house and leave notes on top of everything saying this is placed here...so that her family wudnt have trouble finding things after she is gone..i remember my heart getting wrenched into a million pieces when i heard this...but it just showed what exemplary courage she had...i mean..she was practically preparing for her own death...

i met her once when i had gone to mathura...in between her chemotherapies..the thing that i saw instantly was she had lost her radiance...that glow in her eyes was just not there anymore...it was the saddest part about everything...almost as if when the doctors were operating on her along with the tumours they removed from her soul that centre that brings out all the happiness...her eyes seemed so damn hollow...and full of sadness...

her brothers tried everything in desperation...somehow to squeeze out a few more years of life from her...till her kids would be old enough to take care of themselves...but are kids ever really old enough to be ok with losing their mothers???

last may starting we got a call saying she was in critical condition...i guess everyone knew the time had come..my mom and another maasi were going from here to meet her...and my mom wanted me to go...coz we were pretty close...but i made some excuse about not wanting to go and dint go..

the truth is..i was scared..i was scared i wont be able to see her go..i just dint have the courage to watch one of the people that i loved the most just deteriorating away....

on may 15th last year..she passed away...i got the news about 10 o'clock in morning...and i dint really believe it for a day or two..i mean..i just dint wanna accept it man...it was too much i guess...

when my mom came back a few days ago...she said that didi told her that she dint wanna die...she just wanted to live a few more years..

i still cant believe its been a year since she has gone...i mean...life really just moves on doesn't it..

this is for u didi....for the spirit that lived inside of you...for the spirit that left us all to grieve...

this is for YOU didi...and the happiness that you showered on us..before making us cry...

I hope you are happy didi...

from your "IK CUP CHAAI"

love.

P.S: i am really sorry if this was too long or too emotional...i just had to put this down...and as the name of the blog goes..its insights into my thoughts...so they have to be long...don't they...

NO SUBSTITUTE!!!!!

Hi all,

2 days ago, got a message from the class group informing about this pre-placement seminar happening in Accenture today. Didn't really have much to do so decided to go for it. As expected no one from my group came. So wasnt looking forward to it so much...just had a hunch though...weird kinda thing...

Started off at 5:15 as usual...went to watch ashtavakara at mulund...left from there at 8 and got to Vikhroli by 8:45

Was a fairly good campus in vikhroli...pretty green and looked homely more than anything....as i entered i thought...i wudn't really mind working in a place like this..

They made us wait in the reception first then in the waiting room and then took us to the cafetaria, through an utterly confusing path of corridors, stairs and what seemed like a MILLION doors, where we were to have our seminar and stuff (with progressively deteriorating chairs actually...was quite funny)


The first session was pretty boring...this manager called Akhilesh Gupta was talking more about wat Accenture is than more about what we wanted to hear (which frankly...we really had no idea about either..hehe)

We also had a QnA session with one of the HR managers...that was a lil knowledgeable atleast...we asked her what generally is the recruitment process and stuff like that...and her answers were fairly obvious....

followed by a short short break for tea...in which i had about the most horrendous medu wada i have ever had in my ENTIRE life....

the second session was expected to be another bummer...and me and anisha were pretty much dreading it...but it turned out to be quite cool actually...this guy was pretty good...he was basically a technical manager of some sort and was explaining about what a project generally is what one is supposed to do in project management...lot of technical garble totally irrelevant here...

so y am i boring u with all these details and such a long long description???

well coz i found out the answer to one really important question that i was dwelling upon....

its like this..ever since i joined IT engineering i had this notion that i really wasn't cut out for it u know...the kinda feeling that tells you sorry boss...this ain't my cup of tea....

incidentally...we were talking to the Sr.Manager in Accenture who also happened to be an ex-VJTIan (thats my college) and an M.Tech from IITB, Mr. Milind Rumade (i think i got the name wrong there...sorry)

one of my friends asked him the same question...that sir i feel i m not going to be good at coding per se and would be better off in management.

he just said...how much of coding HAVE u done..to not like it...and it kinda hit me u know...that i have been NOT liking something that i havent even given a shot to...

he then said...what makes u think u will be good in the management sector...u haven't tried that as yet as well???what if u don't like that also....

and he also said that you be in any field..more than your expertise..what matters is the amount of hard work u put in...there is NO SUBSTITUTE for it...

its funny at some level i thought i always knew it...just hit me when he said it though...one of those things..

its also funny how such (apparently) BIG questions in life have such relatively small(and STUPID) answers...

so lets just say instead of cribbing about y d hell did i take IT....i am gonna give it a shot...and Pray God that i am good at it....

all in all...i must say was a good visit....patted myself on the back for deciding to go...Thanx a lot Sir....u might have just changed my life...hehe


P.S. its funny how sometimes when things dont pan out the way u want them to u get so sad...inspite of knowing never to expect anything...STRANGE

SORRY DEAR!!!


love
anupam.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GURUJI!!!!!!

Jai Gurudev...

its one of those days...when u feel ecstatic for no reason.....you feel like you are on the top of the world...and you don't really remember getting there..well this would have been the case had i NOT known the reason...

for OF COURSE I DO!!!!!!

ITS HIS BIRTHDAY!!!!!!woohoo!!!!

Its one of those days when you look at yourself in the mirror and SMILE...and say...oh man...today is gonna be FUN!!!

happy birthday to you guruji....life would have been so damn stupid without you around to guide it...

i really dont know what gift to give Him...i guess SMILING is good enough????

SO SMILE I WILL!!!!!

Cheers All...

p.s...its a great day to ask for something you wish...generally comes true...hehe...just a lil secret for you guys...

WELCOME!!

HI people Jai GuruDev

welcome to MY blog...as the title says...this blog is about things that i love..things that matter to me or things that just arise my curiosity. I used to blog quite sometime ago...but got caught up in a lot of things and it kinda took a back seat...

But..now i am BACK....and i want to thank BAWA for inspiring me...its really just his blog that gave me the much needed kick on the posterior to restart this...THANX BAAU!!!!!!

I should also thank KUSHAL...for suggesting the title of the blog...i know he meant it as a joke...but it got stuck with me..hehe...THANX DUDE!!!!

Through this portal i hope to communicate the things that i feel or want to write about...i hope i will be able to do justice to my hitherto unexplored passion for writing and be able to bring to words the other things that i am passionate about...

So i hope u guys will be there with me in this yet another journey..like u have been all throughout...

Cheers...TO LIFE!!!!

Love
Anupam.