For a long time now, I have been sulking. I have been sulking for absolutely no reason. Life just got a little mundane and I did not like that. Oh who am I kidding, life got TOTALLY mundane. All I did everyday was exactly what I did the last day. Life felt like this merry go round that just kept on going round and round, one day at a time. And I was stuck somewhere on the edge of it hanging on by my fingertips. The worst part was, it was no fun. For a long time I contemplated giving up and just letting my fingers go. God knows that would have been a disaster. I am not really a flyer. Would have landed on my ass, and hurt bad.
As I was going round and round, thankfully the one thing that was good was it got very mechanical. I did not really have to pay too much attention to what I was doing. So I had my mind free to think about other things. And as always, I never let an opportunity to think go. As happens in a lot of movies and novels and fictional stories, the brightest epiphanies happen when you are least expecting them. I realized the true nature of a lot of people around me. Understood the importance of a few people and the sheer uselessness of others. I call a few RELATIONSHIPS useless, not the people. There is a world of a difference between the two. And because I realized that some of the relationships were not helping me, in fact, they seemed more like burdens than pillars, I let those go. Not in my heart, but in my mind definitely. I have stopped thinking about a lot of people that I would normally be obsessed about. And trust me there is no other freedom to match it. TRUST ME.
Alas, in spite of breaking these bonds, I didn’t feel “Happy”. I know I know, I have always held the belief that happiness stems from within, from that special place somewhere inside you that we all call the Self. The only problem was, my “Self” had kind of gotten buried under a few dusty covers. It got lost in the folds of a few miserable times I had allowed to creep into my system and settle there. All I needed to do, was shake up my Self and wash off the dirt. Then, it would be back to its natural “Self” (OK I know I have used the word enough…:P)
The SHAKE UP happened at the Employee Appreciation Dinner (a.k.a free dinner and dance party) hosted by my company, Deloitte Consulting, couple of weeks ago. Now I am not really a dancer. Correction, I am NOT a dancer. I rarely dance at public events (Alone at my house is a different matter). But this was one of those days when I just FELT it. I just wanted to dance. And I did. It felt amazing..no…that didn’t do justice..it felt AMAZING!!!!! One of the best parties of my life ever. I went home utterly exhausted after more than 2 hours of dancing. But it felt Nice…The resurrection had begun..
The WASH happened in the first rains that hit Mumbai sometime back. Let me tell you, there is no feeling like standing in the rain getting totally drenched. There is nothing like closing your eyes, turning your head heavenwards, and feeling the rain splatter your face clean. One of those rare moments when you feel so connected to Nature that you can HEAR it. It was truly a magical moment. It made me realize that I have been cribbing about nothing. There is too much in this world to be thankful for. Too much to like and love. Too much to live for. Letting go was not an option. And it will never be.
Another amazing day was the IMPACT day, our global community service day. I visited the Hellen Keller institute for Deaf and Deaf Blind people. Met some of the most courageous and lively people in my life. It is amazing how they just open up their hearts, drop all inhibitions, and make you feel like you are one of them. I realized that often I complaint about the most trivial of things. I crib about some of the most insignificant details in life that make absolutely no difference to those people. And yet they live life with full aplomb. How? Well I don’t know. They probably know what life is better than I ever will. Thankfully they showed me at least some part of their lives, which put mine into some rather harsh perspective.
As a result of these events, I can safely and confidently say I am HAPPY! Not a happiness born out of certain events or people. Not a happiness because of what someone said or did. But a happiness out of just being here, right now. A happiness out of the full realization that I have a life to live. That I have an opportunity to live in a world where there are people who love me, people who I thought loved me but don’t, people who I will never ever meet but still they make a difference in my life, and above all people whose lives I have the opportunity to make a difference to. I realized, that sometimes to open your eyes, all you need to do is shake your feet and dance a little, all you need is to stand in the rain, drop all inhibitions, drop all care, and just be. Sometimes, all it needs is a dance and a shower…
